Took a hiatus…….to date a man who views himself a composition of parts. He is every bit as funny and kind-hearted as Herman Munster; externally exquisite like Eva in The Bride…..but compromising his dreams in the pursuit of worldly possessions has left him feeling more monster than man. Anyone who has read Mary Shelley‘s novel knows the real monster is Victor Frankenstein…..creator of the creature. Wonder sometimes if this man is creature…..or creator of his circumstances. Not surprising he found me…….a woman whose dreams of fame and fortune began while watching the Universal classic, Frankenstein.
|The Scott Brothers|
Tabloids say Jonathan Scott and Zooey Deschanel are now dating….but she’s not the one he marries. See this picture of Jonathan? Looks the spitting image of Wyatt*. Wyatt* married a woman, who on their wedding day, appeared an exact duplicate of me. It’s possible Jonathan‘s future bride may resemble Zooey. They start out as friends; her counsel becoming more invaluable as time goes on. One day his mind fills with thoughts of kissing her…….followed closely by an absolute certainty SHE is the ONE for him. Assume Zooey is the short-lived liaison with a known celeb. Bagpipes play in the distance.
Dream is to be a mom……but hasn’t happened for me yet. Each time I consider invitro……mind goes to the episode where Phoebe visits a fertility clinic; is told she doesn’t want a baby so much as a family. Always “knew” I was suppose to have two daughters. Dreamt of them summer before the accident. Awoke…..having slept only six minutes, the second I heard them say, “Hurry Mummy! Hurry!“. Assumed it was just a dream……until I caught sight of two child-size butt prints on the bed. Hands could feel their heat; trace their form…….but could see nothing more than those impressions.
After publishing That Grand Old Dame, I tried to delete the blog. The supernatural events connecting Jonathan and myself were becoming too much for me to handle. I wanted this done; wanted him gone from my life once-and-for-all. “Glitches” prevented me from following through……twice. Third time……..was just like what happened with my grandpa, only there were two little voices coming from the kitchen pleading, “Hurry Mummy! Hurry!“.
What most people don’t know is while I was mourning for my son, I was also grieving my daughters. With my “first love” gone….who I’d known to be their father, assumed their conception was no longer a possibility. Never took into account the man from my childhood visions. HE’S apparently my first love. Was why the girls appeared happy, healthy and inexplicably BLOND before morphing into darker, lifeless corpses. Chances were the “promise” of their arrival was likely “conditional”…..but it was more than this “higher power” had offered previous. Whatever their plans for Jonathan and myself, I stopped fighting……focused on producing as much as I could, as fast as I could.
|Follow Your Dreams|
Jonathan will be a dad soon. Saw it in a dream…..in which I was asleep for only a minute. Time was 2:37 a.m.. Woke because his heart suddenly expanded while measuring baby’s foot with his thumb…….and mine did the same. Chest felt like it was gonna’ crack open from the pressure……boobs were gonna’ slide under my armpits. He was crying. My face was soaked……but they weren’t my tears.
Had previously caught glimpses of his future with wife and children. Chose not to believe they were anything more than a figment of my imagination. Never had evidence Jonathan had seen or read anything I wrote. This would all change with a “glitch“. There were two posts……one about solar panels; the other from the last day of the “Sailing With The Scotts” contest. Was about to write-off this lingering “baby scent” (on the same fingers as the ones Jonathan used to stroke his child’s sole) as an over-reaction…..when the “hearts” appeared; no “sender” information. Happened multiple times before, on two other accounts…..that of JD and Drew Scott.
Precognition is not generally a pleasurable experience……mostly because I’m limited to witnessing the most horrific acts one man can commit on another. Reason for this is because of television….reaches more people. Billions/trillions experiencing the same emotions over a single event, somehow amplifies them……makes it possible to “reach someone attuned” through time. Did not initially recognize flashes of Jonathan and his spouse as visions……because I have never “seen” in this manner. With them….I see ONLY through “her” eyes, but all feeling comes from him. It’s almost as if they have a symbiotic relationship; operating as a “unified one” in the future.
Dreams were solely about him…..but couldn’t say what they were about. In the moment between waking and sleeping would hear myself say, “Sh*t! Dreamt about him again!”. Happened every day for two months…….but could never remember the details. What I do recall is waking up earlier and earlier each day…….feeling rested and refreshed in a way I hadn’t in decades. Should have been more tired……if I were dreaming for two.
November 28 was a big day for us, turning-point-wise. Was the last day this “higher power” would forcefully intercede in my life. As a farewell, I was privy to one last “vision“……a chance to say good-bye to children I watched grow to adulthood. I published Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned…….which attracted my first commentator. And Jonathan‘s statement to the press, addressing his ex-girlfriend’s engagement came out in print. Wager the specialist I so desperately needed to see finally accepted me as a patient.
|Grade 12 Graduation|
I’d hoped to trigger a LIVE memory of a specific time and place; that was the original mission. Instead, I experienced what felt like “memories”……of “future events”. They were of Jonathan and his family. Mind keeps taking me back to the accident……to the moment I died. Where I went…..life was different. Time and space was different. There were no barriers. Past lives, future lives……all blended into one. Knowledge was there for the taking…….but too vast for a human brain to contain.
Logically……in order for these “visions” to have actually been memories, I’d have to have seen them somewhere once before……and the only place I could have seen “a future” in this manner is this place. I have no recollection of seeing Jonathan while there. Other than thinking “I’d seen him before; I knew him from somewhere” during that scene in Africa, can’t for the life of me understand why I would. My accident happened in 2007…….four years before Property Brothers hit the airwaves. Why in the afterlife would I see a man I would not even come to know existed for another 11 years? It makes no sense.
Have another explanation as to why these visions may have felt like memories…..as seen from the other side of the veil. It is not uncommon for people near death to begin talking about “nonsensical” things. Mom talked to her grandmother, father……and a grandson she never knew about. Some mention persons who WILL BE born long after they’ve passed. The veil between worlds thins as a person is readying themselves to leave. Especially for those with long-term illnesses, the process happens immediately…….but slowly and in increments. Was seeing things as if I already had one foot in this world and one in the other…….because I was alot closer to death than I realized. In hindsight, I know I wouldn’t have made it to my last birthday……had something drastic not happened. Maybe it’s good I didn’t know. Not sure I would have chosen to spend my last days writing.
|People Magazine, June 2019|
This photo is reminiscent of one I posted in April, 2012. At the time I was happy……because I believed God was finally returning my lost love home to me. The guy I loved reciprocated…..by “mirroring” my picture…….much the same way Jonathan is doing. Took it as a sign the sun, moon, and stars had aligned for us; Fate was on our side.
Nothing worked out. Everything I put into motion had the exact opposite effect of what I was hoping. Do I worry about Jonathan mimicking my gesture? No. Seems we counterbalance one another……which means God’s likely delivering his true love home any day now. As much as I razz the guy……don’t wanna’ see him unhappy and alone.
As for me…..still waiting for the one from my childhood visions to show up at my doorstep. Suppose to know him by his kiss…..if you can believe that. Became aware we’d had other lives together while in Vegas. Perhaps this “magical” kiss will be as it was in every lifetime we shared. Can only hope.