That Grand Old Dame

I do believe in a grand design.  I also believe in divine intervention.  Can’t say I noticed anything out-of-the-ordinary because the moves were so subtle.  Only a more forceful move months later would cause me to question and reevaluate…..and persuade me to believe I was always being led. 

Curbed L.A.

I did need to reach this house by April if I ever were to gain a clearer perspective on my situation.  I was weighing the pros and cons of having surgery to remove organs radically affecting the quality of my life.  Proceeding would create a whole host of new issues and likely only allow me 3-5 years life.  Doing nothing meant I might live almost 10 years, but I lived without companionship for nearly 25 because of it and chances were, that would not change.  Life without love isn’t much of a life.  The first option would at the very least give me opportunities.     

I would only receive this news third week of March, but things were already in motion by mid-month.  At the time, I’d finalized my kitchen design and had hopes of gaining free-lance employment once the project was completed.  Work was virtually non-existent, which was almost a blessing in disguise, as I was still struggling with mobility issues.  And many of the programs I watched to stave off boredom, were nearing their seasonal completion.

I haven’t watched television since 2011.  I transitioned to binge-watching once I returned to the Internet after a ten-year hiatus.  Alot of genres I once indulged got left behind.  Programs like House Hunters (once a staple in my daily viewing) could not readily be found on download sites, so improvement shows became the first to be eliminated as a necessity in my life. 

It just so happened someone uploaded links to a show called House Hunters Renovation….a first for this genre on my go-to site.  Had I not been curious as to how my design measured against the experts, I doubt I would have watched.  I was heartbroken to find my “one-of-a-kind” kitchen was not so original, but there were some good ideas.  I decided to watch more and once I exhausted the ones on this site, found additional episodes at HGTV.  I had unofficially returned to all things home improvement.

I took solace in this world after I received the bad news.  I immersed myself in old favourites, visiting with Sarah Richardson, Scott McGillvray, and Bryan Baeumler.  I cried unabashedly in front of them…..about big houses I’d never need, children I’d never have.  And for the son I lost long ago, whose conception I only now realized had been a miracle, I played Camilyn Morrison’s “A Parents Lullaby” (dedicated to Jon Schmidt) repeatedly.       
Every once in a while I thought about the one person to ask for my hand in marriage.  I did not marry him and never regretted that decision.  He came to mind only now because he was a good person.  He was kind, generous, romantic…..all things I’d wanted in a suitor who just never manifested.

It was around the first of April when I found the house.  I was preparing to take leave of HGTV, when an accidental click of a button took me to a page which contained a still frame of a two-story abode.  I recognized it….though how and from where I still haven’t a clue.  Cecil B. DeMille came to mind and I was certain he’d walked through these doors.  Maybe I remembered this from one of the Hollywood Homes bus tours I’d taken when I was fourteen?  I decided to watch in the hopes the interior spaces might jog my memory.     

Corus Entertainment

This residence belonged to a man named Drew Scott and his fiancee, Linda Phan.  It was featured on a program called Drew’s Honeymoon House, one of a number of series under the banner Property Brothers.  Could guess their flagship show was about brothers working with properties in some capacity, but everything else about them was foreign to me.  This would be my inauguration into the world of all things Property Brothers.      

I began scanning the rooms for signs of familiarity, but nothing within the dwelling explained this irrational belief I knew it.  I presumed these guys were like their contemporaries, intending to level the old lady in favour of new construction….and I wasn’t interested in witnessing her demise.  I tried shutting the program down, but no buttons worked.  Had it, I would have missed hearing them speak of her like a precious gem or cherished family member just in need of some TLC.  She had value to them.  I liked this.  I decided to keep watching.

She and I were not so different.  I too had a rare beauty lost on the average person, but unlike her, there were no heroes coming to my rescue.  No one was drawing up plans and blueprints to restore me to my former grandeur.  Blueprints.  I thought of blueprints…..and suddenly I had an epiphany.

For 1200 glorious days almost twenty-five years ago, I was freed from my affliction.  I healed myself by simply looking in a mirror and literally seeing my soul stare back at me.  Could I possibly do it again?  I didn’t know.  This time around I was armed with knowledge, but not memory.  It was, however, a third option and the only viable one I had.

One other thing happened this day.  It occurred while watching Drew and Linda walk hand-in-hand, side-by-side.  Their height difference was such that Linda easily could have fallen behind while Drew pulled ahead, yet they moved in near synchronicity.  By adjusting their individual paces to remain equal, they appeared a perfect picture of a united front.  I wanted that for me.  I’d always wanted that.  Still did.  In realizing this, something shifted and a secret wish was placed on a bucket list yet to be made, with hopes someone wanting this too was presently looking for me.  

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