Ever have a reaction straight out of a movie? Mine occurred when hearing, “Retire now because…..”. Suddenly I was doing a Bella in the moments following her death…..internally screaming and clawing at my face, but externally appearing so quiet and still in the presence of the man with me.
|The Scream, 1893 by Edvard Munch|
Something else happened. There was this burst, followed by a ripple…which sped away from me with supersonic speed and force. Didn’t know what it was. Didn’t know what it meant. Wouldn’t know for many months.
Essentially, I was instructed to make a wish list and begin checking everything I’d ever wanted for my life. All I’d wanted these last twenty years was an incredible love who’d come home to me……and a child. I wanted to be a mother, but these dreams weren’t possible anymore. And I couldn’t remember older ones because an accident a dozen years earlier robbed me of all my long-term memories.
In recent years, I visited Vegas and recall feeling this surge of life and vibrancy I hadn’t felt since my theatre days. I thought I was simply stimulated by the nightlife, but it was during my morning strolls looking for coffee, when everything was quiet, I caught myself thinking, “This is my home.” like I lived here for twenty plus years. Had Mom not died when she did, I may have visited sooner….maybe even settled there.
Speaking of my mother, I heard her say “I’m so glad. It always seemed to bring you much joy and peace.” while driving home. A long forgotten memory began filling my head….of the day I dreaded telling her I’d begun writing again…..anticipating hearing it was a waste; I’d never be a literary success. Instead, she said this. Hearing it was incredibly cathartic for me.
She was a medium. She came from a long line of people with mediumistic abilities. We’re not witches or “new age”. We see and perceive energy. We likely have a gene still active from a time in which man was nomadic and heightened senses was necessary to survive. Life and death is different for us. We’re able to communicate medium to medium, though I can no longer visit my grandfather at our tree between life and death as I am without an anchor in this world.
I mention all this because that supersonic burst was apparently a cry in which my mother heard. She set to work that night, ever so slowly nudging me towards a path which would lead to a house. In this house I would have an epiphany…..and it’s here, my new journey would begin.